Place of birth

Wonsang, North Korea

Most recently lived in

Moscow, Russia

Kim's favorite hobbies

gooning and nuking

Kim's favorite foods

pussy

Favorite bands and musical artists

miku

Interesting facts about Kim

Kim Jong Un: The Walking L of Global Politics Alright, y’all. Gather ‘round. We gotta talk about Kim Jong Un, the most bootleg, expired, off-brand villain in the history of human existence. If world leaders were a tier list, this man would be so deep in the F- tier, he’d be chilling in the shadow realm with Clippy from Microsoft Word and that dude who invested his life savings into Dogecoin at the peak. This man has the personality of a Windows 95 error message, the charisma of wet drywall, and the social skills of a Discord mod on a power trip. Let’s start with the fit check, or should I say, lack of fit check. My guy has been rocking the same oversized, ill-fitting, Mao suit for his entire existence like a 5-year-old who refuses to wear anything but their Spider-Man pajamas. Bro got a whole dictatorship at his disposal and still dresses like a rejected NPC from a 2002 stealth game. He’s giving Soviet thrift shop realness. He’s serving low-budget mafia boss who got kicked out for being too lame. If you handed this man a trench coat and a fedora, he’d look like he was trying to sell me black market Pokémon cards in a Walmart parking lot. Get a tailor. Get a stylist. Get some fashion. Do something. Now, let’s talk about the hair. Oh lord, THE HAIR. My guy’s haircut looks like he lost a bet to a blind barber with arthritis. His lineup got hit with a lag spike. That fade is so asymmetrical, it has to pay taxes in two different time zones. Bro went to the barber and said, “Give me the Wi-Fi symbol.” The top of his head looks like someone copy-pasted his scalp from an 8-bit video game. His hairline has more plot twists than a Netflix drama. You know it’s bad when North Korea’s biggest war crime is his own haircut. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about his whole villain arc. Because this ain’t it, chief. Dictators are supposed to have at least SOME main character energy. You got Stalin out here rocking the mustache of doom, Hitler pulling up with the most cursed facial hair in history, and then you got Kim Jong Un looking like he was assembled using default settings in a 2004 WWE character creator. No menace. No aura. No presence. Just vibes. This man rules North Korea the way a Reddit mod runs an anime discussion forum—banning people for the smallest infractions and crying in private when someone clowns him too hard. Speaking of clownery, let’s talk about his “military flexes.” Bro wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror, and goes, “How can I make myself look even dumber today?” And his answer is always, “Fire another missile into the ocean.” Like, bro, what did the ocean do to you? Did a jellyfish reject your love confession? Are you beefing with a dolphin? Why you keep bombing the sea, my guy? What are you trying to accomplish? The kraken ain’t impressed. Poseidon isn’t shaking in his boots. The fish down there are just dodging missiles like they’re playing Flappy Bird. And let’s be real, his entire country is just a giant Discord server where he’s the only mod. Imagine logging onto a North Korean group chat: [Kim Jong Un]: “Hey guys, just a reminder that I’m the Supreme Leader and the best person ever.” [Random Citizen]: “Lol, no u.” [Kim Jong Un has banned Random Citizen from the server.] Like bro, how fragile is your ego? This man’s self-esteem is made out of wet tissue paper. You say one slightly negative thing about him and you’re getting sent to the North Korean gulag experience (DLC not included). How you gonna be a dictator AND still take Ls on a daily basis? Pick a struggle. Now let’s talk about his hobbies. Or, should I say, his lack of hobbies. Like bro, what do you even do for fun? You ever notice how dictators never have any chill activities? Stalin played chess. Hitler painted. What does Kim Jong Un do? Sit in a dark room and stare at a wall until a missile malfunctions? Run a fake K-pop fan account on Twitter to feel something? Watch reruns of North Korean propaganda films like it’s the MCU? The only thing this dude enjoys is forcing people to pretend he’s interesting. Imagine being so boring that you have to make it illegal for people to say otherwise. And don’t even get me started on his internet game. Bro definitely thinks Facebook is still cool. If he ever got Wi-Fi, he’d be posting Minion memes with captions like “Don’t talk to me before my coffee” and sharing those fake giveaways that say, “Bill Gates is giving away $1,000,000 to 10 lucky people.” He has the digital literacy of a confused grandmother. If you put this man in front of an iPhone, he’d be trying to swipe up on the calculator app. And let’s be honest, this man has never made a joke in his life. His humor is so dry, the Sahara Desert is filing a lawsuit for copyright infringement. If he tried stand-up comedy, the only laughs he’d get would be from people who were too scared to stay silent. Imagine being a whole dictator and still having the comedic timing of a toaster. Also, let’s address the elephant in the room—why does this man look like he has never done a push-up in his entire existence? You ever seen a dictator with negative muscle mass? Like, bro, if you’re gonna rule a country like a final boss, at least hit the gym ONCE. You built like a Minecraft villager. Your arms got the same dimensions as a box of cereal. Kim Jong Un looks like he’d lose a 1v1 fight against a Roomba. And let’s talk about his legacy. Oh wait—there is none. What has this man done that isn’t embarrassing? He’s the only person in history who manages to flex military power and still look weak. He’s the only world leader who has tried for decades to prove he’s a “tough guy” and instead proved that he’s just a walking L. The dude’s entire life is just one long, poorly written fanfiction about himself. If North Korea was a TV show, it’d have negative ratings and get canceled after one season. In conclusion, Kim Jong Un is proof that life sometimes glitches and spawns in the wrong people. He’s a waste of a character slot. A walking 404 error. The dude makes a whole country worship him, but deep down, he knows he’d lose a popularity contest against a literal potato. If his **entire existence was a YouTube video

Kim loved nothing more than

nuke niggers

Favorite place in the world

the buffet line

Favorite TV shows

Favorite sports

the couch

Favorite movies

**Kim Jong Un: The Walking Definition of an L** Alright, gather around, because we are about to **absolutely obliterate** Kim Jong Un in **the most brainrotted, ungodly, incomprehensibly disrespectful** manner possible. This is going to be a **5000-word verbal war crime** against his entire existence. If the Geneva Convention covered roasting, what you are about to read would be **illegal in 42 different countries.** --- ## **Chapter 1: The Physical Abomination That is Kim Jong Un** First things first, we have to address the **physical disaster** that is Kim Jong Un. This man looks like **a failed science experiment**, like someone tried to make a villain in a lab but forgot to finish rendering the character model. Bro built like a **half-melted candle** that someone left in the sun for too long. **His body proportions are so cursed, even AI-generated art refuses to draw him properly.** His **forehead is fighting for real estate** with his **hairline**, and both of them are **losing.** His **face is so bloated** he looks like he **absorbed another Kim Jong Un overnight** like some kind of **North Korean Kirby.** If you **poked his stomach**, he’d **pop like an overfilled water balloon.** **His hands?** Look like **inflated latex gloves** that were left out in the sun. **His legs?** Built like **two boiled potatoes balanced on toothpicks.** **His entire being?** A **structural failure**, an **engineering mistake**, a **human game-crashing glitch that somehow exists in real life.** --- ## **Chapter 2: That Haircut Belongs in a Museum of Mistakes** How does a man with **a whole dictatorship** still pull up with a haircut that looks like **it was done by a blindfolded toddler with garden shears?** **There is no fade. There is no lineup. There is only PAIN.** My guy walked into the barbershop and said, **“Make me look like a Wi-Fi symbol,”** and they **took him seriously.** If you **zoom in on his hair**, you can see the **individual strands trying to escape his scalp.** His hairline has been **migrating north** for years, and honestly? **It deserves freedom.** That **receding nightmare** on his forehead looks like it’s been fleeing from something **traumatic.** **Bro’s scalp is running a marathon away from his eyebrows.** If he ever went **bald**, it would be **an improvement.** But **he won’t do it.** Because deep down, he **knows his skull is built like an off-brand Easter egg.** --- ## **Chapter 3: The Drip Crisis – Or Lack Thereof** Kim Jong Un has **NO DRIP.** None. Zero. Negative drip. **His outfits actively absorb swag from the atmosphere and leave everyone around him unfashionable by association.** **He dresses like a rejected extra from a low-budget 1960s spy film.** **The Mao suit?** Bro, **at least switch it up once in a while.** **Even cartoon characters have more wardrobe variety.** He has **an entire country at his disposal** and still dresses like he **looted his outfit from a 1984 Communist thrift store.** The **shoulders of his jacket are wider than the DMZ.** His **pants look like they were tailored for someone three times his height.** His **shoes?** Built like **bricks glued to the bottom of his feet.** Bro **walking around with the fashion sense of a malfunctioning Soviet AI.** --- ## **Chapter 4: The Nuclear Embarrassment** Let’s talk about **his obsession with missiles.** Every few months, this man **fires another nuke into the ocean like he’s trying to speedrun global warming.** **Poseidon himself has filed multiple restraining orders.** Bro **thinks he’s flexing,** but in reality, he’s just **wasting millions of dollars launching metal rods into fish territory.** **The sea creatures are sick of it.** Somewhere deep down in the ocean, there’s a **squad of dolphins who are plotting his downfall.** If Kim Jong Un ever **fought in an actual war, he’d fold faster than a cheap lawn chair.** His **entire military strategy** is just **hoping the world is too busy laughing at him to fight back.** --- ## **Chapter 5: His Leadership is a Glitch in the Matrix** Let’s be real: **Kim Jong Un is the world’s most useless dictator.** The man **rules North Korea like a Discord mod on a power trip.** **You say one wrong thing, and boom – you’re banned from existence.** If North Korea was a video game, it’d have **the worst Metacritic rating of all time.** The economy? **Nonexistent.** The people? **Trapped.** The culture? **Doomed.** **This man is out here speedrunning his country’s destruction like he’s trying to unlock a secret cutscene.** --- ## **Chapter 6: His Ego is More Fragile Than a Glass House in an Earthquake** Kim Jong Un **cannot take a joke.** You **roast him once**, and suddenly you’re in **a secret prison getting interrogated by people who barely know what sarcasm is.** Imagine being **so insecure** that you have to make it **illegal for people to laugh at you.** Bro, **even Voldemort had thicker skin.** Even **SpongeBob’s driving instructor had more patience.** Kim Jong Un has **the self-esteem of a Windows XP error message.** --- ## **Final Chapter: The Legacy of a Walking 404 Error** Kim Jong Un’s **entire existence is a mistake.** He is **the human embodiment of a corrupted video file.** **A walking L. A breathing, talking, nuclear-powered embarrassment.** History will look back at Kim Jong Un the same way we look at **blockbuster rental stores in 2024 – a relic of failure, a joke that went on for too long, a mistake that we all learned from.** In conclusion: **Kim Jong Un is a waste of pixels, oxygen, and international attention.** The world would be **infinitely better if he simply vanished into the void where all bad decisions go.**